I turned on the Olympics a bit ago but it was boring me so I switched over to the Light Classical Music channel. In fact, I haven’t been watching nearly as much of the Olympics this week as I was last week. I think I reached my saturation point. There’s a few key events that I still am planning to watch — the women’s beach volleyball final on Thursday (Wednesday for us) as Sunday’s men’s marathon (Saturday evening for us) — but other than those, I’m pretty much over it. I think I just watched too much last week. I’m not used to sitting in front of the television that much and it was really starting to get to me.

Let’s see, what else is there to write about? Oh, this is interesting — I ordered a custom pair of running shoes today through NikeID. As I mentioned a couple weeks back, I switched over to the dark side and got a pair of Air Zoom Vomero 3’s. So far, I’ve been extremely happy with them. They’ve actually been better than the New Balance’s that I was running in before, plus now I get to use my Nike+. Anyway, I needed to get a second pair for my marathon training and Niketown on 57th was out of my size, so I went online and found that they have the Air Zoom Vomero 2 available on NikeID. I tried doing some research but couldn’t find anything relating to the difference between the 2 and the 3. I’m hoping that it’s negligible. I customized a pair of Nike Shox back when they first came out and loved those shoes. The ones I created today are equally as cool — They are all black and dark silver (to help them from looking so dirty — my shoes never stay clean), with dark blue swooshes and red text on the tongues: Philly on the right and 11.23.08 on the left. How cool is that? Or dorky? Pick your word. Either works. Of course, when I went to checkout I found that shipping was free for orders over $175 (awesome online sales move there) and so I went back and created a customized long-sleeve, red shirt that says eastcoastrunners on the front with a running shoe and has the number 13 on the back. Assuming that it fits well, that’s what I’ll be wearing to the big race.

I also decided that I’m going to run the half marathon in Queens on September 14th. It coincides with my training schedule almost perfectly, so I figure the early wakeup and $15 entry fee are well worth it to get some more quality long-distance race experience under my belt before November. I’m also considering the Fifth Avenue Mile, but haven’t decided for sure yet. It sounds like so much fun — I love running the mile, especially as a road race (the Pearl Street Mile in Boulder is one of my fondest memories, and my best mile time ever: 5:37) and I’m curious as to how fast I could run a mile now as it’s something I haven’t tried doing in a long time. The downside is that on the previous day, I have a 20 miler scheduled. So, my time on the mile would be understandably low, plus I’d run the risk of injuring myself by trying to do a near-sprint when I’ve been focusing on distance. I’ll know better after this upcoming Saturday’s 18 miler what to expect from my long runs.

How have I not talked about that 18 miler yet? It has been on the fore-front of my imagination (well, not quite the fore-front, but right behind that whole drama that I was so elusive about earlier) for quite some time. I am scared and excited all at the same time. It will be the longest run I’ve ever done and I have pretty much the same feelings going into it that I had about the NYC half — It’s like Christmas morning when you’re a little kid, except you know that you’re going to be in a lot of pain too. I’m excited that it’s going to be NYC Summer Streets again this weekend. That’s definitely an added bonus. This Saturday’s 12 miler with Antonio went really well. We ran slow (because of me, not him — I was totally slowing him down) but I finished stronger than I was expecting. I felt like I could have kept going if necessary. I would have definitely felt better, though, if I had some carbs somewhere around mile 10. That’s where I really felt myself running out of fuel. I’m going to look into getting some of those gel packs before this weekend. Running down Park Avenue was amazing. The Brooklyn Bridge was too crowded to be enjoyable, but the rest of the route was simply wonderful. I love the fact that the city took the initiative to make this happen. And, I wish they would take it even further by closing off more of the cross-streets so we wouldn’t have to stop so frequently.

That run made me decide to (for real now, even though I said I was doing so before) abandon all thoughts of qualifying for Boston this fall. I just want to finish the marathon running. Even if I run a 3:20 or a 3:30, I’ll still be happy. It will still be the goal that I set out to hit in 2001 and never accomplished. And, the added benefit of not qualifying for Boston is that I won’t have to run Boston — I really don’t plan on becoming a multi-marathoner. I just want to get Philly out of the way to satisfy some lingering ambitions that I’ve had. But after that’s, I’d rather go back and focus on 10K’s and 5K’s, and even the mile than continuing on with the distance running.

I’ve noticed that this is really turning into a running blog. I didn’t set out for it to be that, it’s just that running has been the most important part of my life lately. So, for any of you out there who are reading this and are bored by all the running crap, I apologize. It’s just something that you’re going to have to deal with until November, at least.

But, there have certainly been other things going on in my life. As I mentioned before, I’ve been diverting myself by staying as busy as possible. Yesterday, that included going out to dinner at the backyard garden of El Paso Taqueria with Parag. I love talking with doctors (and lawyers too, although he’s not one) and listening to all the shit that they have to go through on a daily basis and how little they get paid for it. Parag is in his second year of residency (which is like 10 years post high school) and is still being worked like a slave and getting paid about half what I make. Of course, it’s always good to just hang out and chat with Parag regardless of the fact that he’s a doctor. We shot the shit for a while and then I got on a rant about politics and economics (which I delivered surprisingly well — thank you, The Economist) and we considered going to go see a movie but decided not to instead.

Tomorrow, I am going out to Queens to see the Braves play the Mets with my old neighbor and her family. I wanted to take them up to a Yankees game but my ticket plan only has two seats and every set of 4 tickets we could find on StubHub was outlandishly expensive, so we decided to just go out and see the Mets instead. She’s always been a big Braves fan, so we decided to go while they’re up here so we can all root for the same team — her for the Braves, and me for whoever is playing the Mets.

Work’s about the same as always — just a little lighter than in months past. The fewer hours are a welcome relief. I was getting a bit burnt out there. The Flopalongs project is finally appearing to be near completion. And, I’m pretty much just doing small maintenance work on Mirabella now. Both the site and the ad campaign are set up and running smoothly. I have a mile long checklist on my own properties as always, but most of that is too fun to be called work.

My wrist has been killing me lately. It got so bad that I switched over to using the mouse with my left hand on Friday. I’m getting more and more skilled with moving the pointer around left-handed, but my left wrist is already starting to hurt too and my right is not really improving. I think some of it may be because I’m working on my dining room table (which is round) rather than a normal desk. Also, it could be because I am at my computer for ridiculously long amounts of time each day. And, with that in mind, let me call this quits.

You may have notice that it’s been a while since I’ve written. A lot of that is because I was out in California (photos) for almost a week and then, when I got back, playing catch up at work for the time that I’d missed. While out there, I was able to do some runs, including a wonderfully relaxed ten miler through the vineyards that border my cousin’s place in the Livermore Wine Valley. As much as I love running in NYC, it was great to get a break from the crowds of tourists and the heat and humidity. Instead of fighting through the hordes of Middle Americans waiting in line to see the Statue of Liberty, I had a beautiful little path all to myself — well, almost all to myself — I did pass a coyote and two deer. But, I guess we all have to share, right?  :)  Still, it’s good to be back in the city. I’m definitely looking forward to Summer Streets on Saturday (and so bummed that I didn’t know about it last Saturday.) I only have to do a 12 miler this week so I’ll actually get to enjoy it. Next week, the last of the three that the Summer Streets is running, I have an 18 miler scheduled and my legs are already hurting in anticipation.

I’ve been spending a bunch of time watching the Olympics too. I’m glad they only come around ever four years because they completely take over my calendar. I don’t really ever watch t.v. outside of Yankees games and football, but every day this week I’ve watched at least a few hours of the coverage. In fact, I have it on now and, frankly, the swimming is more interesting than writing this, so I’m going to switch chairs and kick back to enjoy the evening. Go USA!

My other running news is equipment related. I bought a pair of Nike Zoom Vomero 3’s yesterday along with the Nike+ chip and wristband to go with them. This is the first pair of non-New Balance running shoes that I’ve had in years and I felt like a bit of a traitor for buying them (my mom works for New Balance.) But, the simplicity of the Nike+ system and comfort of the shoe were so alluring that I had to have them, even if I do feel like a sellout now. I broke them in this morning with my run in the park and had no problems at all. If anything, my feet feel better than normal.

Other than that, there’s not much to report. Just work, work, work as always. I went out to the Yankees game Tuesday night and lost my voice cheering on the comeback that was dishearteningly close to succeeding and am headed out to California on Saturday for a family get-together. Seeing the fam will be good, although I’m dreading the flight. I’d keep writing but I really have nothing else interesting to say (and what I’ve said already isn’t even that interesting.)

A half marathon is still a long ass run. I was pretty wiped out when we got to the double digits and my thought as I crossed the finished line was, “Thank god it’s over, I don’t think I could do another 13.” Of course, this November, 13.1 will just be the half-way point. Today’s race pointed out how difficult getting ready to run the full marathon is going to be. At the same time, it was a good milestone. If I can finish a half marathon strong, what’s preventing me from finishing a whole one? (”Nothing” is the right answer, for those of you keeping score.)

Full intensity: I put everything I had into the preparation for today and then today during the race itself. I honestly don’t think I could have finished any faster than I did — 1 hour, 36 minutes, and 14 seconds. I paced myself well, stayed hydrated, and finished with a very strong last mile. I didn’t quite hit my goal, but it wasn’t for lack of trying. Instead, it was because I am not yet at that level of performance as a runner. It’s good to know exactly what I’m capable of in longer distances now. As promised, I am going to forget about qualifying for Boston this year and instead simply focus on finishing the marathon intact. I don’t want to push too much and my body told me today that it’s not going to be ready to run a sub-3:10 marathon in four months.

Love it!: True, I didn’t run as fast as I wanted, but I still had a hell of a lot of fun. The weather couldn’t have been any better; it was raining as I walked down to the start from my house and then stopped just in time for the start of the race. It stayed cloudy and cool the whole time, though, and only started to rain again during the awards ceremony. The stretch of the run where we got out of the park and went down 7th Avenue through Times Square was amazing! I got such an adrenaline rush from the crowds and the noise and the lights that I flew threw that whole stretch (maybe a bit too fast even.) Then, at mile 12, still having enough gas in the tank to pick it up a notch and start running strong felt really good. Pacing has been my biggest struggle as a runner, so for me to be able to accelerate the last mile at the end of my first half-marathon was a huge personal victory. Finally, of course, there was the post-race. I met up with Antonio and a couple of his friends and we watched the awards ceremony before going to get brunch. It was a perfect end to an (almost) perfect morning.

After all is said and done, I really have no complaints. I came out and ran the best race that I could and now I just need to focus on what’s next. Philadelphia, ready or not, here I come!

The biggest news in my life at the moment is the fact that the NYC Half Marathon is in less than ten hours from now! I’ve done everything I can to prepare myself — I’ve been running long runs, intervals, tempo runs, you name it; I quit eating any processed foods and quit drinking soda; I even gave up beer and wine this past week; and, toughest of all, I forced myself not to run yesterday or today so now I’m totally chomping at the bit and ready to run. I’m going to fix some pasta in a bit and then relax and watch a movie and (hopefully) get a few hours of solid sleep. Yet, even with all this, I feel really nervous about the race, more nervous then I’ve ever been about any other. What if I fuck up tomorrow? What if I overpace myself early and then can’t finish? What if I just run out of steam at mile 10 like I’ve been doing lately? Tomorrow is a huge benchmark on my progression as a runner and will determine how I tackle training for Philly. If I am able to hit my target of 1:35:00 then I can realistically start thinking about preparing for a Boston-qualifying marathon time. If not, it will be a sign that I need to take a step back and just worry about finishing the marathon this fall and wait until next year to try to qualify for Boston. I really don’t know which it will be. I’ve never run this far at 100% intensity before. And, to point out the obvious, I’m curious to learn what the result of doing so will be.

I switched gears there between paragraphs pretty abruptly. I suppose I should go back and explain the funk rather than just leaving it out there. It’s not a depression or anything, just this cloud that has been hanging over my head lately. I don’t know, it just seems like no matter how hard I try, nothing is really improving. A lot of this is financial. Because of way the taxes hit me and the fact that I don’t qualify for any of the government assisted health, rent, or food programs that my taxes are going to pay, I’m really not making any more money than I would be if I just gave up and took a $20,000 a year job. Of course, this is something that has bothered me for a long time (I plan on writing a book about it and the ways to fix it someday when I can sit down and give the research the time and attention it deserves) but recent events have brought it to the forefront of my mind. I’ll hold off on the details for now, because I know that if I start down that path, I won’t be able to stop and the last thing I need is to spend hours here writing in frustration on the eve of the biggest race so far in my running life.

So instead, I’m going to go make myself some pasta and watch a movie. I haven’t decided yet between Magnolia and Alien 3. Strange choice there. Strange enough, in fact, that I felt it was worth mentioning.

I ran the Park to Park 10K this morning, but as a training run and not as a race — I was coming off a 10 mile run yesterday (which was part of an almost 40 mile week of running) and so my legs were understandably fatigued.  I decided earlier in the week that getting a long run in this weekend was more important than doing well on the 10K since my half-marathon is coming up in just two weeks.  So I decided to do 12 yesterday and then just an easy 6 today.  Unfortunately, my long run yesterday didn’t end up as long as planned — Instead of 12 miles, I only did 10.  I was suffering from some really bad cramps in my right quad and left calf — I think I may have been dehydrated a bit.  Considering that, I had really low expectations for today.  But, today’s run went better than expected.  I was able to start slow and steady like I wanted to and maintained a super-consistent pace throughout the 6 miles.  I ended up at 43:44, which normally would have disappointed me, but today I was very happy with it.  I started the race with Antonio (who did the 10 with me yesterday and was also going to take it slow today) but he quickly ran ahead of me and finished in 40:05.  I saw Sarah and met family at the start of the race too.  As always, it was nice to see familiar faces out at the race.  The course was awesome — We started up at 102nd Street on the east side so I was able to just walk down from my house instead of having to deal with the subway and then we went counter-clockwise and got the big nasty hill out of the way quick.  That’s always a plus.

Well, as I mentioned, I have almost 40 miles in for the week.  I’m actually worried that it might be a little much.  I feel like my body is slowing down and fighting me a lot.  The thing is, I’m not sure whether it’s because of the increase in mileage or because of the heat.  Probably, it’s a combination of both.  But, either way, I’m worried about my upcoming half-marathon.  I have run into serious troubles on all my long runs lately and haven’t been able to get much past 10 miles.  I’m hitting this wall of fatigue right there.  That certainly doesn’t bring the level of confidence that I’d like to have going into such an important race.

Yesterday was the start of my twenty-sixth year of life.  Although I wasn’t at all happy about turning 25, the day itself was at least good.  I went out to Queens and saw the Rockies play the Mets with Sareeka (photos).  I’d never been out to Shea Stadium before and figured that I should do that before they tear it down.  Plus, I figured the Rockies could use all the support they could get out here in hostile territory.  Unfortunately, my support wasn’t enough — they still lost 3-0.  Regardless, we had a fun time at the game and then went and wandered around Queens a bit.  I’ve never been there before (except driving through on my way to and from LaGuardia) so it was kinda cool to see some new territory.  We ended up eating at a diner and I got this huge waffle with ice cream and whipped cream and sprinkles.  I very rarely eat sweets, so that was a huge shock to my system and I actually felt rather ill for the rest of the night, but it was totally worth it because it tasted so good.  We found a sidewalk book seller too and I came home with a huge armful of books.  My bookshelves are both filled to the brim now.  I’m going to have to figure out where to start putting new ones.  Maybe I’ll have to buy another shelf.

Well, off to work for real now.  I need to put a couple finishing touches on the Mirabella at La Reserve website and then I’m going to be doing still more work on the Flopalongs.  I’m so anxious to get those projects wrapped up so I can get back to working on my own sites.  I feel like I’ve been neglecting them.

Look at me procrastinating again…  For real, this is the end.  Good bye.

Anyway, this will be short because I am, as seems to always be the case lately, completely swamped with work. I put in over 90 hours of work last week! Part of it was that I picked up a rush job on for a luxury housing development in Tucson. I completely revamped the website (there’s still a few more things to do) and now I am working on a big paid search & SEO campaign to drive traffic. It’s exciting because the advertising budget I’ll be working with is considerably bigger than anything I’ve ever done before. I’m anxious to see what happens when you put real money into AdWords. So, part of that is getting all the analytics and tracking stuff setup which is going to take a bunch of work.

Plus, we’re getting close to the deadline for the Flopalongs project and I still have a monstrous amount of work to do on that, so that has been taking up a pretty big chunk of time too. I totally underestimated how much work that was going to take. And, as always, I’m putting in big hours for Precision Prospects. I just launched a big new real-time lead receiver system a week ago so that they can accept leads from their publishers with less hassle and less lag time. It has been a crazy week there because of that.

And, if that weren’t enough, I’ve still been trying to make some progress on my own publishing stuff — although that progress is not nearly what I had hoped it would be. I have a list of improvements a mile long that I want to make to my running log site. I keep getting great suggestions from fellow runners but don’t have the time to implement them.

Speaking of running, I managed to finish the month with 107.3 miles even though my stupidity in Philadelphia has left me with two severely bruised big toes. I was barely able to walk most of the week and took a couple extra rest days, but I seem to finally be doing better. I got a 9.5 mile run in yesterday and 4 today and my feet are actually feeling alright. It’s a nice change after being in horrible pain for a week.

Well, I need to get back to work, so that will be all. I just wanted to keep the world (or, more accurately, the very small portion of it who reads my blog) up to date on what’s been going on in my crazy life lately.

So, I’m gonna keep this pretty short because I am, as mentioned, feeling like shit. On top of that, I worked about 90 hours this past week, ran over 35 miles, went to a Yankees game with my friend Diana, and as a result have gotten far too little sleep. This next week is going to be equally intense so I should get whatever sleep I can tonight. I just want to jot down a few notes about my trip to Philly while it’s fresh in my head.

So, the day started with me walking through downtown on the way to the Historic District. As in any city, walking downtown early on a Sunday morning was eerily quiet and discomforting. I’m glad that I came back through there again on my way out, otherwise I would have been left with a bad impression. Anyway, I made it down to the Historical District after getting some breakfast and went to see the Liberty Bell. I must say, I was disappointed. It was smaller than I had imagined and it was in such a fake, modern setting that it didn’t even seem real. I snapped a few photos and then quickly headed over to Independence Hall. There was a whole schedule and ticket process for that, so I opted out and went and saw the pages from the Constitution in Congress Hall next door. Again, disappointing. I don’t know what I imagined it would be like, but what was there wasn’t that impressive.

After leaving the Historical District somewhat disillusioned, I wandered to Penn’s Landing. There was a security guard at the gate but he waved me in. They were setting up for some event. I was walking around taking photos and looking at the river when another guard came up to me and kicked me out because apparently I wasn’t supposed to be there. I ended up having to make a big loop around the parking lot because they kicked me out on the opposite side that I came in on.

From there, I walked along the base of the highway back towards the Benjamin Franklin Bridge. I decided to walk over it to Delaware and back. Of course, when I got home and looked at a map, I realized that I had actually walked to New Jersey, not Delaware. This would be a good time to mention the fact that I had no map with me and had not looked at directions for anything. I’ve never been to Philadelphia before, either. I just decided to wing it. So, as I’m walking back across the bridge, I scan the horizon looking for the ballpark. I see what I think is a stadium way off to the west and, since I can’t see anything else on the Philadelphia side of the river, I decide that has to be it and start walking in that general direction.

About an hour and a half later, I was losing hope and thinking that I’d gotten myself horribly lost when a drunk man stumbled out of a random bar and asked me if I need directions. I tell him I’m going to the Phillies game and ask where the stadium is. He confirms that I am going the right direction (pretty much) but says that it’s a helluva long way away still. Considering that I’ve been walking for like five straight hours at this point, that was not the news I wanted to hear. I decided to hail a cab, but none were coming by. Finally, like twenty minutes later, the top of the stadium emerges behind a building. You have no idea how happy that made me. I finally got there about a half hour before the game started, but by that point, I was so thirsty and hot and my feet hurt so bad I could barely keep going.

As soon as I got into the ballpark, I bought three waters ($12) and an ugly Phillies hat to keep off the sun ($22). I sat in the shade for a while, but then went out to my seat as the game started and got scorched for six innings until we finally got shadows. The game was good — the Phillies lost 3-2 to the Angels. It’s too bad they didn’t win, but at least it was close. I was surprised how enthusiastic and supportive the Phillies fans were. After you hear so much crap about Eagles fans and how they’re always booing the team, I didn’t expect to see 40,000+ Philadelphians out there intensely rooting on their baseball team. I think about 95% of the crowd was in Phillies gear of some form or another and they all got real excited whenever anything even remotely positive happened. The park itself is awesome too. I think they just built it in 2004. Anyway, I really like the way that the architecture plays with the traditional notion of space within a stadium.

By the end of the game, I was totally wiped out but I couldn’t find a bus or a taxi or anything, so I ended up just walking back to the city. I stopped and got some dinner, but other than that, it was pretty much a straight line from the stadium back to the train station.

All in all, it was a pretty good trip. I saw everything I had wanted to see (except the Rocky Statue which I couldn’t find), ate a real Philly Cheesesteak, added another major league stadium to the list of those I’ve seen games at, and, most importantly, was able to take a big step away from all the work that’s sitting on my plate and catch my breath, so to speak.

Oh, and one last thing before I call it a night… When I was got back to New York and was heading uptown on the 2, I overheard one of the most interesting conversations ever:

Man 1: “Do you ever get bees in your apartment?”
Man 2: “No.” Pause. “Why, do you?”
Man 1: “No.”

Well, I guess I’ll just start with a rundown of recent events in reverse chronological order and see where that leads me.

I went for a ten mile run early this morning along the East River with Sarah and Christopher. It was a good run up until about mile eight when I just ran out of steam.  I finished, although it wasn’t as strong of a finish as I would have liked.  To be fair, though, I wasn’t feeling 100% last night and didn’t really sleep well. I was switching back and forth between 5:30 runs in the park and afternoon runs here on the river all week. After today’s run, I’m at 52.6 miles for the month, so I’m right on pace to clear 100 again. I’ll pick up the mileage gradually between here and the end of July, but I won’t start the official marathon training until the beginning of August.

Other than this morning’s run, I was super-duper unproductive today. I had plans of getting a bunch of work and errands done, but I got sucked into the end of Dostoevsky’s The Possessed and couldn’t put it down. It, like all his other books, was an amazing novel. I wish there were more that I could say about it, but I am just so opposed to the whole idea of literary criticism and literary theory, that I feel like an ass anytime I critique a book. No offense to all you lit-theory folks out there, but I am of the opinion that writing responsive literature would be a much better use of time than merely deconstructing every fucking line in a book. Anyway, I’m a little sad that I’ve finished reading Dostoevsky’s four main novels. I wish there were more. Count that as my analysis.

Other than finishing the book, I didn’t do much of anything today except running to the store (two stores, actually) to buy toilet paper and a bottle of Riesling. That trip wouldn’t have even earned mention here if it hadn’t been for the fact that the clerk at the liquor store said, “Happy Father’s Day,” to me as I walked away from the counter. Two thoughts hit me: 1.) Nobody has ever told me that before, do I really look old enough that you assume I’m a father? 2.) Oh shit, I forgot to tell my dad happy Father’s Day when I talked to him on the phone earlier!

Yesterday afternoon found me sitting outside at a café in Union Square with Sareeka and Parag when the monsoon-like downpours hit the city. It was crazy to see how panicked and flustered everyone got over a little bit of rain (okay… a lot of rain). It may have been the bloody Mary’s I’d downed at lunch, or the beers I’d had for breakfast (hair of the dog), or maybe just the fact that I was wearing shorts and just generally quite relaxed — but, whatever the reason, I found the whole scenario quite amusing. Awnings were filling with water and crashing down, people without umbrellas were running franticly and fighting each other for cabs, sidewalk art sellers were racing to cover their goods. We sat outside as long as we could under our table’s umbrella, but finally it just got too wet. We huddled inside at the bar for a while and then, when the sky cleared, we all went our separate ways. My way led me over to Strand Bookstore where I was, “like a kid in a candy store,” as Sarah imagined it. I left with a huge bag full of books and, right on schedule, the sky opened up again and began dumping out rain. Luckily, the bags from Strand were plastic and I made it back to the 6 with the books intact.

That morning, while sitting in my apartment drinking a breakfast of Coors Light for effort in an effort to get rid of a mild hangover, I got a phone call from my dad. I knew what it was before I even picked it up. His mom had a stroke almost a week ago and they only expected her to live a few hours after it but instead of passing then, she held on for the entire week. Luckily, she was peaceful and not in any pain. I expected to feel more emotion at the news that she had died, but it never really hit me. I suppose the biggest reason for that, though, is because I know that she’s better off now than she was when she was here. I certainly don’t mean that in the same sense that my parents would say it — they are Christians and I am an atheist — but I know that we can agree that after a certain point, the afterlife is more desirable than the constant pain and mental weakness that old age brings with it. Whether you believe she is in heaven as they do, or that she is simply in nothingness — a room in which the only candle lighting it has been extinguished — as I do, you can agree that she is better off now. And so, maybe it’s not a flaw in my character that I haven’t grieved over her death. Why would you grieve an improvement in someone’s situation?

Pause.

The mild hangover Saturday morning came from a party at my old neighbors’ place in Hell’s Kitchen Friday night. Party might not be exactly the right word — perhaps get-together works better. Regardless, about ten of us convened to eat appetizers and drink wine while enjoying high-brow entertainment such as Dance Dance Revolution and a karaoke game for PS3 that I don’t remember the name of with their kids. At a certain point, however, the video games were put away and we began playing cards and talking of pregnancy. Yes, pregnancy. And, suddenly, I felt like such a kid myself. Here I am, freaking out about my impending twenty-fifth birthday, and my friends are all so far beyond me — married, divorced, married, having kids, having more kids. But, I guess that’s part of why this whole 25 thing scares me so much — I still don’t feel like a grown-up at all, but 25 is such a grown-up age. I’d like to elaborate on this more, but I’m not really up to the challenge right now because I’m tired and because I almost finished that bottle of Riesling. Let’s just say that I have accomplished almost nothing that I imagined I would have by the time that I turned 25 and that it’s bothering me… a lot.

Before that, there was nothing too exciting to report in my week. I went running everyday, then would spend 12 or 13 hours working, read a little bit, go to sleep, and start the whole routine over again. I did find time to watch a couple of the NBA Finals games, which were surprisingly entertaining. Game 5 is on now and is stealing my attention. I’m going to go watch it for a while, but I doubt I’ll make it to the end. I have to get up at 4:00 tomorrow morning and am already drowsy, so I’ll probably head to bed soon. Why did they make the game so late on a Sunday?